Rest in Peace, Phone.
This is my old phone:
Well, not actually my phone...it's a picture of somebody elses phone that I stole off of the internet because I never actually took a picture of my phone. Anyway, whatever...that's what my phone looked like except my phone is dead. I liked my phone. It didn't have an antenna or a camera or a text message plan or the internet and all of the paint was wearing off of it and the hinge part was really wobbly and I really, really liked it. For the last two weeks I've been trying to convince James and my Anonymous Friend that my phone is NOT broken and that maybe they just have ear infections which is why they can't hear me, ever.
Me: I'm not getting a new phone.
James: What?
Me: I'm not getting a new phone.
James: Seriously...what?
Me: I think you have an ear infection.
James: Hello? Hello?
Me: HELLO!!!
James: Oh...there you are. Is something wrong with your phone?
Me: I'm not getting a new phone.
James: Hello....Hello?
Me: Son of a bitch.
Anyway, I got a new phone. I got this thing:
(again, not actually my phone...but trust me, my phone looks just like that)
It's AMAZING. It does all sorts of cool things that I can't figure out. It has GPS on it...it tells you to drive into bushes and stuff. It has a touch screen that you can text message on and the touch screen turns itself sideways all of the time, like magic, in the middle of typing a message...super cool. There are some other really great things that I figured out all by myself that weren't even advertised...like you can hang up on people all of the time...with your face. Also, you can call another person (usually your boss) while you're in the middle of a conversation with your friend (at 3 a.m.)...with your face. You can even mute yourself...also with your face.
Me: I got a new phone.
James: Hello?
Me: I got a new phone.
James: Jess? Hello?
Me: I GOT A NEW PHONE.
James: Hello? Hello?
Me: HELLO!!!
Me: Wait...hold on...I got it...Ok.
James: Oh...there you are. Is something wrong with your phone?
Me: I got a new phone. I muted myself with my face.
James: How do you do that?
Me: I'm not really sure...
James: Hello....Hello?
Me: Son of a bitch.
P.S. My jewelry was in the L.A. Times this week. It was exciting and monumental and I reacted by turning green and getting sick because apparently success freaks me out but then I got really busy because when your jewelry is in a major publication, turns out people want to buy it and you can't blog when you're supposed to so if you're wondering where I've been, blame the L.A. Times. If you haven't been wondering where I've been...that kind of hurts my feelings. I wonder about you all of the time. Also, I want to hang out with this guy:
(more of Craig's notes here)
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11 comments:
Wow. Did you go back at 330? Queen size beds are really nice, if you don't have one. Definitely worth the cost of some cookies and/or the risk of robbery/murder.
Great post, and big ups again on the L.A. Times story. That's huge. And, I have wondered where you were, by the way. Let's try to remember what got you your fame and success, i.e. really funny, though sparcely produced, blog posts. Don't get too big for your custom made britches! Peace, sista.
I like Craig's style...technology stinks.
I use pen, paper, and kinetic telepathy; that's how I comment on your blog.
I must now morph into a drain snake and clean out my pipes.
Anytime you want to send me jewelry is fine with me, I won't object. Although now that you're famous I am sure you'll forget about me, even though we bared our purses to each other...
You think that's THE Craig?
And where do I get me some banana Big M's?
"Sprint - Discover the Power of Your Face"
I am still laughing at this post!!
For the rest of the day I'm going to finish every sentence with ..."with my face!" I'll let you know how that goes.
PS: Congratulations on the LA times coverage!! (I thought it before and forgot to type it..)
I missed you posts :)
They are so cleverly written that anyone should miss them!
If they don't then they need to go eat some bandannas! :P
lol
-Tessa
Congrats on being featured. =OD
Was just thinking I haven't heard from you (not that you contact me but your blog hasn't popped to the top of my feed list) in awhile and just read about your L.A. Times feature. That is wonderful!!
Your phone is sexy. Congrats on the Times piece, that's rad. I love your jewelry, esp the "Happiness" necklace (SOLD!) and the stacked ones, too. They do make me happy just looking at them.
Just want to let you know that I need a new computer because of you...since I just spit out my soda all over it...while laughing uncontrollably to this post...will send you a bill ;)
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