You guys are the only people who understand me

I just wanted to thank everyone for the overwhelming support they have shown for my decision to have an imaginary baby. It's like...you guys just don't know how much it means to me. Especially since my friends have been a little (a whole lot actually because they're all gigantic jerks) less than supportive. The other day we got called out for work super late and we had to go really far away. It was 3 a.m. when we were coming back and I was SO hungry so we stopped at a gas station to grab something. I'm trying to be super conscious of my imaginary baby's health so I asked if they had a salad bar or a healthier section somewhere and the guy at the counter was all, "huh?" and then looked at me like I was a crazy person just because I'm trying to have a healthy baby. Anyway, I grabbed the healthiest stuff I could find and we all got back into our work van to go home and my friend (who is the same anonymous friend who tried to talk me into seeing "Grand Tornado" only this time she's super lucky she's anonymous because in a moment it's going to become really obvious that she hates pregnant people and babies) started questioning me about my food. I was touched because I thought it was nice that she cared about me and the baby's health except she really didn't and all she wanted to do was pick on me.

Anonymous Friend: What's that?
Me: Tuna fish sandwhich.
Anonymous Friend: Oh.

Anonymous Friend: Now what are you eating?
Me: Crackers.
Anonymous Friend: Oh.

Anonymous Friend: Now what are you eating?
Me: Coffee cake.
Anonymous Friend: Hmmmm...
Me: What's that supposed to mean?
Anonymous Friend: Nothing.

Anonymous Friend: Now what are you eating?
Me: Doughnuts.
Anonymous Friend: Are you kidding me?
Me: What?
Anonymous: Um...
Me: I'm drinking water...
Anonymous friend: Um...
Me: What???? I'm PREGNANT!
Anonymous Friend: No you're not!
Me: You're being a huge jerk about this.
Anonymous Friend: Uh-huh.
Me: Seriously.

Then I went home and figured I'd watch "Sober House" because "Celebrity Rehab" was hilarious so I knew that the new show would cheer me up. Yeah..."Sober House" totally sucks. I cried for probably half the show and I felt sorry for people and was sympathetic and everything and I was so ashamed of myself and then James came home and totally busted me. He was all, "Ah,sweetheart...what's wrong?" and I was sniffling and snotting all over the place and I was like, "I don't know...it's like I don't even know myself anymore!!" He asked me what I was watching and I told him and he looked at me kind of funny because OBVIOUSLY I shouldn't be crying and then I was like, "I think I'm hormonal from the imaginary baby," and he told me I was crazy and walked out of the room which is the LAST thing that you should ever do to somebody who's 96 weeks pregnant. I'm totally considering making somebody else the father.

Also, some of you have mentioned that you have real babies that you blog about and that you're not rich yet...um...I don't mean to be a jerk, but when I get rich off of my baby blog, it's going to be because I'm a doctor. Hill University promised me that if I sent them $599.00, that I could earn a real life Ph.D based on all of my lifelong doctoring experience so probably some of you guys should start thinking about maybe applying yourselves a little more. Education is the key to our future, you know and I personally believe that the children are our future. We should teach them well and let them lead the way...and we can do that by investing the 15 minutes and $599.00 it takes to become doctors and lawyers and stuff.

P.S. Here's a tip for moms: When your kid is bouncing off the walls and you all need to get out of the house, why not try the dentist?

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