Because I care...

I considered writing a fluffy and nice post in honor of the holidays but...well, the truth is, I'm a Scrooge. I wasn't going to say anything about it but I'm pretty sure at some point you're probably going to be able to tell, whether I say anything or not...

I actually didn't even realize I was a Scrooge until James informed me that I could single handedly suck the joy out of the holiday season. I guess the whole, "holidays are stupid, shopping is stupid, decorating is stupid, let's just sleep through November and December" didn't really go over too well with him.

So, with his help, I am trying to overcome my Scroogey ways. I think I've been making really great progress...I've celebrated the past four Christmases with James and three with his family and I'm pretty sure I didn't suck the joy out of at least one of them. However, I still think it's a little too soon to subject anyone to happy holiday posts from me...I would probably write something that I would think, "yeah! This is holiday happiness...seasons greetings and joy and all of that!" and I'd put it out there and think it was fine and people would read it expecting some happy holiday goodness and instead it would be like flaming dog poo on your front porch...and I'd be totally oblivious. I'd be over here smiling and waving and waiting for you to thank me for the eloquent gift of holiday prose that I just gave you and you'd be over there trying to stomp out the flaming poo and yelling and crying and wondering why I would do something so horrible to you and I'd be over here thinking those were tears of happiness and that maybe all of the stomping and yelling was a dance (because you know how much I love dancing) so I'd dance back at you and you'd maybe think I was mocking you and that I was truly just a terrible person and you might never speak to me again and I would have no idea what happened to our beautiful friendship because I am really so clueless about holiday stuff that I would give you a flaming bag of dog poo and think it was awesome.

So, you know...it's in everyone's best interests that I just say this:
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving...and if you don't live in the States, I hope you had a wonderful week!

P.S. I was doing some...uh..."research" into the Pick-Up Artist and the long line of pick-up artists that came before his supreme douchiness, "Mystery" when I ran across the website of a pick-up artist named Vin De Carlo. I was doing my usual mockery and wondering what kind of half brained twit actually falls for these guys when I saw this:

“... any attractive woman, worth picking up is probably not sitting home watching a crew of nerds learning how to talk to women on VH1”.

Ouch.

Um...but in my defense, I've never actually seen a WHOLE episode so I could still be cute, right? Right Mr. Douchebag? RIGHT?

5 comments:

Dizzy Ms. Lizzy November 28, 2008 at 9:15 PM  

You ARE cute. And adorable. And intelligent, funny, quirky.

And Mr. Douchbag is a twit. Pure and simple. :-)

jeweledrabbit November 28, 2008 at 10:18 PM  

You have got to be the queen of the run-on sentence. :p

LazyBreeze Jewelry November 29, 2008 at 12:43 PM  

This made me laugh so hard. It just reminds me that I keep my own Scroogeness tightly in check. I try not to remind people that the pilgrims weren't exactly perfect, they brought disease and death with them. I'm vegetarian, so not too happy about all the poor turkeys that get killed. And as for Christmas, I do love it, can't say otherwise, but its a pagan ritual hiked by capitalism to make us all go in debt. BTW, I have nothing against paganism, I just don't think Christmas has anything to do with Christ. And why do people lie to their kids?! I always knew Santa was bogus, didn't stop me from enjoying the mountain of presents my parents got me! Plus, they got the deserved credit not some fatso coming down the chimney.

I'm gonna shut up now, before I get "Holiday Hater" poo thrown at me.

maria i lavis December 1, 2008 at 12:08 AM  

From scrooginess to the pick up artist, loved this eclectic little post!

leah December 3, 2008 at 11:37 AM  

the only joy you sucked out of the holiday was the one you weren't there for christmas eve. dork.

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Everything in this blog is copyright Jessica Benassi AKA Hey Lola except where I give credit to other people because obviously, that's their stuff. Don't steal my stuff. I mean, I'm not sure why you would want to, anyway, but if you're thinking about it...don't. Also, all of this nonsense is my opininion and is not supported or endorsed by Blogger or anyone ese. I mean, maybe it is, but if something I say just infuriates you, I take sole responsibility.

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