Things to do in Denver when you're dead...

...or in a nearly deserted bar on Easter Sunday, when the rest of the world is eating Peeps and chocolate bunnies, and you're stuck working in a bar with two customers who won't even let you watch the Rock of Love Finale because on the Speed channel cars are chasing each other around a track for hours and that's obviously a way better show than the one where Brett Michaels FINALLY gets his Real, One True Rock of Love...

Bogus...lame.

Another customer came in and he wasn't really into the Speed channel either, so we formed an imaginary band called "Dark Crystal Soul" instead. We're a goth speed metal band from Norway. We have long, pale blonde hair and crystal blue eyes. We have heavy German accents. Our lead singer's name is Envy, only it's spelled NV because that's cooler. My name is Wrath. It's spelled Wrath. We're very angry and absolutely no one understands our pain. Unfortunately, we broke up after about 5 minutes due to creative differences.

I guess there's only that one thing because that pretty much sums up my Easter Sunday.

I would have written sooner but it's been the most super stressful week, ever and at the end of it I was lying in the bottom of the shower, naked and curled up in the fetal position with a bottle of Jack Daniels, crying my fool head off for hours...except I really can't stand whiskey so it was actually iced tea in a Jack Daniels bottle...

...ok, a mason jar...and it's super uncomfortable and kind of cold when you're in the fetal position on the bottom of your shower so I stood up after a couple of minutes and just took a shower and also I quit crying after a minute and just started singing along to the Abba songs that I had playing in the background but you know...same thing.

Also, my cat and I are on the outs and he's currently looking for a new super best friend...that he can live with...forever and ever. He's a nice guy, but I can't handle the pot smoking and the constant partying and how he introduces himself to me every 5 minutes because his short term memory is shot and also, he's really arrogant because he's a celebricat and all he does is hang out with famous people and then come home and brag about it.

Also, if you want him, you should come get him now because the economy is in the dumpster and there's a cat shortage.

Also, did I mention he's famous? (And no, my cat isn't imaginary. Cats aren't like babies..you can't just make them up whenever you feel like it.) I've included some pictures:




Chicken "The Donald" Jolie-Pitt hanging out at a party with Paris Hilton.





Chicken "The Donald" Jolie-Pitt and Lady Gaga leaving the airport




Chicken "The Donald" Jolie-Pitt and the girls from "The Hills." (He's totally on Lauren's side, in case you were wondering.)



Chicken "The Donald" Jolie-Pitt, Madonna and Britney Spears at the Mtv Music Awards

Probably so many people will want him that I'll have to do a reality show so that I can be sure that everyone's intentions are true...so, you know, better get your name in there quick before you miss out.


P.S. Sometimes when your week sucks and you invent imaginary goth speed bands and you're trying to get it together for the sake of your blog, you might get distracted for hours by Muppets Mash-Ups.(Seriously...go to youtube and do a search for "metal muppets"...it's AMAZING. Master of Muppets? Don't Fear the Beaker? Awesome.) I don't know how any of that ties together, but here: