Because bad drawings take a long time to draw...

...but responding to junk e-mail only takes 5 minutes.

So....


Thursday, July 05, 2012 1:01 PMEdge Research [replies@edgeresearchsurveys.com]
To:
Jessica Benassi
You replied on 7/5/2012 5:56 PM.

Dear Jessica Biel,

We would greatly appreciate your help!

If you can assist us by completing our survey on foodservice operations we will provide you with a free copy of the report detailing the survey results once we complete the compilation and analysis of the data.

The survey results will reflect many important aspects of the foodservice industry across the U.S., and the report will be useful to you in managing your foodservice operations.

The report will be available for a cost to those not included in the survey, but as a thank you for your time, we will send it to you free of charge. In addition, those who complete the survey will get a $10 Amazon gift card via email as a 'Thank You'.

Our questions will not take long for you to answer, and we believe you will find them interesting. Your opinions and answers will help your vendors offer the types of foods you need to enhance the appeal of your menu, and to optimize your traffic and revenues.

All of your answers to our questions will be treated as absolutely confidential and anonymous. Your specific foodservice operation will never be associated with any specific responses.

Attached the survey link below:

http://dimensions.edgeresearch.com/e.asp?p=ST1201&S=C&id=8001267

A Sincere thanks for your help!

Miranda Smith
Edge Research


_____________________________________________

Thursday, July 05, 2012 5:56 PM
Jessica Benassi
To:
Edge Research ‎[replies@edgeresearchsurveys.com]‎

Hi Miranda,

 Jessica Biel is a famous Hollywood actress. She's also engaged to Justin Timberlake, a famous Hollywood actor and former pop singing sensation.

 Actually, he might still be a pop singing sensation - I'm not sure.

 Anyway, I tried to forward this e-mail to Jessica Biel, but as it happens, her e-mail address is really difficult to get a hold of.

 I'd like to think that you confused me with Jessica Biel because we look so much alike, but I don't think that's the case. Everyone tells me I look like "Blossom" from that 80's show..."Blossom." "Blossom" doesn't look like Jessica Biel, she looks like a young Bette Midler, which is probably why they cast her as a young Bette Midler in "Beaches."



Blossom



Jessica Biel



Jessica Benassi


Also, "Beaches" makes me cry every time... without fail. It's like - I know whatsherface is going to die, but every time it's just a punch in the face. Like King Kong. You know the part in King Kong, where he's all on top of the building, and he loves the girl, and the planes are shooting him, and he's so confused, and his eyes are all big and brown and sad and confused just like your dog's when you tell him he can't have another treat, and then all of the sudden Kong is dead and you're on the floor of the movie theatre beating the ground with your fists and screaming at your husband , "WHY DID THEY DO THAT TO HIM?????" and everybody's kind of backing away and stepping around you and freaked out looking and your husband tries to pull you up from the floor, but there's gum stuck to your knees and you can't see because your eyes are full of mascara tears and there's snot all over the place because you just can't stop sobbing and who wants to live in a world that kills a monkey just for loving a girl???

WTF.

No wonder they make so much money in Hollywood - they're super manipulative with people's fragile emotions.


 ...What were we talking about?

 OH! Right. Anyway, I can't fill out your survey because I'm scared of clicking on links in unsolicited mass e-mails, but I'd still like to have the $10 Amazon gift card as a thank you for responding to your e-mail and letting you know that I'm not actually Jessica Biel. Also, here's a fan site for Jessica Biel - just in case you were interested: http://www.fanpop.com/spots/jessica-biel.

 Sincerely,


Jessica Benassi, not Biel

4 comments:

lbsthecheese July 10, 2012 at 3:49 PM  

Ha ha! Awesome response.

Jerry E Beuterbaugh July 13, 2012 at 2:39 PM  

"Hey Lola" has been included in an edition of Thinking of Christmas Gifts in July for 2012. I hope this helps to point many new visitors (not to mention customers!) in your direction.

http://asthecrackerheadcrumbles.blogspot.com/2012/07/thinking-of-christmas-gifts-in-july_13.html

w August 21, 2012 at 9:34 AM  

hahahahaah! man. that was awesome. also. how do you feel when people tell you that you look like blossom? and can you dance like her? because as i recall, she was pretty fancy with her two steppin'.

Mark October 4, 2012 at 6:45 AM  

What a nice post here! Some awesome happy photos and news. Thanks for sharing

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About This Blog

Everything in this blog is copyright Jessica Benassi AKA Hey Lola except where I give credit to other people because obviously, that's their stuff. Don't steal my stuff. I mean, I'm not sure why you would want to, anyway, but if you're thinking about it...don't. Also, all of this nonsense is my opininion and is not supported or endorsed by Blogger or anyone ese. I mean, maybe it is, but if something I say just infuriates you, I take sole responsibility.

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