You can't just go dropping F-bombs anywhere you please.

Seriously, you can't...which totally sucks, by the way, and here's why:

This whole blog was started as a way to market my store and although it's probably hard to tell at this point, that is still the idea. I have a whole master plan for internet domination which I'm sure you're just dying to hear. BUT -if I tell you you could steal it and then I'd have to come up with a whole new plan and this one was pretty hard to come up with in the first place so all I'm going to tell you is that when I finally succeed you're going to know it because I'm going to be sitting on Oprah Winfrey's couch, crying about dating guys in crushed red velvet pants and helping her give away cars. Oh, and also, I'll have more money.

But anyway, the F-bomb thing...So, because I'm trying to achieve internet domination/fame/success/whatever, I'm also trying reallyreallyreally hard not to offend anyone. Which, if you really know me, you know that that's kind of a difficult thing for me to do. I offend people without even trying. I've been keeping it pretty well in check here but trust me, at some point I'm probably going to offend you, too. You're going to be all royally P.O.'d that you ever even wasted your time with the likes of me and you're going to think I scammed you into thinking I was a nice person and we're probably going to have a huge fight (which I'll probably win but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it).

Anyway, that's way far in the future because for the most part I've been really well behaved so far. I don't swear or talk about politics or religion or sex stuff or anything even remotely controversial...and then I go and read other blogs and I get super jealous 'cause they're all swearing and talking about sex and creepy stuff and swinging their bras from chandeliers and doing all sorts of sordid but cool grown up stuff and damnit, here I am trying to be all well behaved because my readers could be customers and people who want to buy pretty jewelry don't want to hear you spouting f-bombs all over the place and the other day I lost a follower on Twitter because I made a Jesus joke and I FREAKED out because it's kind of hard to explain yourself to an absolute stranger in 140 characters or less, especially when that stranger just dumped you and you're not even sure who they are. I'm still kind of freaking out about that, actually. I'm freaking out even mentioning it here, like maybe somebody else is going to read this and be all, "Well, I never! I wash my hands of this harlot with her Jesus jokes and her f-bombs and her boys in velvet pants and her just general offensiveness," but really, it was a super tiny little joke and I was only kidding and I'm pretty sure Jesus and I are cool, anyway. But, you know, people get really worked up about that sort of thing and you have to be careful when one of your end goals is to be on Oprah.

Of course, now that I think about it, I don't really even drop F-bombs that often or talk about sex or creepy stuff anymore and also, somebody else pulled me into that Jesus joke, it wasn't even my idea and I think I actually USED to be offensive but I'm probably really not anymore and I guess all I'm really trying to say is that I really like reality t.v. and a lot of the people on reality t.v. are douchebags and sometimes you just have to call a douchebag a douchebag without worrying about people trying to make you feel bad about it.



I hope you and I can still be friends.

10 comments:

Rachel November 11, 2008 at 7:54 AM  

Jessica,
we can totally still be friends and I don't mind if you make tiny jesus jokes because I know you and jesus are cool and no you really don't drop f-bombs anymore seriously you're a really great person and it's ok to call a douchebag a douchebag and now I am going to go follow you on twitter.

Oktober Five November 11, 2008 at 8:03 AM  

Ha! Well, you've proven to me that you can be funny without being offensive. Personally, I like clean jokes, even if they take a little more skill to deliver. And you're right, you'll never get on Oprah with a dirty mouth.

Xiane November 11, 2008 at 11:10 AM  

Well, you know what they say... f-bomb 'em if they can't take a joke. Besides, Britney *totally* drops f-bombs, and she still sells records.

Seriously, this is an issue that I relate to greatly. I'm a swearer by nature, but I've really worked hard to curb it, due to the whole "I'm trying to make my business succeed" thing. And watching others get away with it is frustrating, but I've taken to cursing like a five-year-old in retaliation. Nothing like a woman of my age letting out an "Oh POOP!" :D

Tabmade November 11, 2008 at 7:04 PM  

You can drop that F bomb as much as you like as far as I'm concerned! Actually, I try not to do it for the same reasons, but in my day to day life I don't even hear myself say it much anymore because it's like a fucking comma for me. ....oops

BakerGirl November 11, 2008 at 11:41 PM  

I can totally relate! I try to watch the f bombing but sometimes it's like a comma for me too! Occasionally I let one slip on my blog and twitter because unlike my dad tried to teach me... sometimes there is no better way to express yourself.

Lita November 12, 2008 at 2:05 AM  

I love jesus jokes, now I have to go back to twitter and find it!

I drop the f-bomb like a f-er in real life, but have so far resisted the urge on le blog.

I would like to pay you a nominal (yet tres important) sum of $11.07 for you to send me the jesus joke, and saving my weary fingers from distracting the rest of the night away on twitter.

My mum stalks me on facebook, and tells my friends off for swearing on my wall. I wish I could work out how to get my Mum to dump be from fb, maybe I should land a Jesus joke.

The Verbal Warrior November 12, 2008 at 7:39 AM  

You just have to make a bloggie incognito where you can go drop F-bombs all day long if you like :)

Clearly you and I are related in some fashion, as I too can offend people just by looking in their general direction!! :)

Rock on!

smlacyart November 12, 2008 at 1:43 PM  

You just added me to twitter.
And I just read your blog.
Instant love.

Please swear more? And make more jesus jokes? Because I swear on my blog, even though I'm hoping nice people will buy my paintings. But I'm seriously hoping I can get away with that whole "Ohhh, she's an artist. Artists are weird and swear a lot" thing. Maybe? Maybe.

Either way, I am now going to and read every single other post you've ever written.

(P.S. Some people are just douchebags.)

jeweledrabbit November 12, 2008 at 1:56 PM  

F-bombs and Jesus jokes?

OMG! OMG! OMG! You harlot!!

*stalks off in a huff never to return to this blog*

Redd November 12, 2008 at 8:45 PM  

I totally get what you mean.
In real life, I talk like a sailor. Fitting, as my father actually WAS a sailor for 30+ years. So when I'm writing on my blog or the Etsy boards or whatnot, I have to remember that "Hey, you can't write that, that's bad I'm told". Really, I wish I could just say "fuck" all the time on my blog and have everything be unicorn farts but alas, I have to present myself as a fine upstanding citizen. Which I am not. Which they did not know. Until now. Fuck.

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Everything in this blog is copyright Jessica Benassi AKA Hey Lola except where I give credit to other people because obviously, that's their stuff. Don't steal my stuff. I mean, I'm not sure why you would want to, anyway, but if you're thinking about it...don't. Also, all of this nonsense is my opininion and is not supported or endorsed by Blogger or anyone ese. I mean, maybe it is, but if something I say just infuriates you, I take sole responsibility.

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