The top 20 things I know for sure...

Someone forwarded Oprah's "20 things I know for sure" list to me the other day. Although I generally hate forwards, this was a refreshing break from the usual round of politician bashing, "forward this or else" type e-mails I usually get. (If you don't check your forwards you may have missed the fact that Obama and McCain were conjoined twins who were surgically separated at the age of 3. Obama spent most of his youth as a platypus, while McCain chose to live in a tree. These are absolute facts which can be verified by any person willing to just look at the wall in a gas station bathroom. If you didn't forward this e-mail within 47 seconds of receiving it, you will never find true love, you don't care about little kids or puppies, and you've brought armageddon upon us all.)

Oprah's list got me thinking about what I know for sure...which I think would have to be adjusted to what I know for sure right now. After all, when I was 15 I knew for sure that nobody understood my pain and that the Cure was the greatest band ever. When I was 23 I knew for sure that bartending was the greatest job in the world and that real love was INTENSE. When I was 28 I knew for sure that every woman should wear fake eyelashes and that love was stupid.

So, I can't say that this will always be true, but for today I know the following 20 things for sure:

1. Toast is the greatest thing since sliced bread.
2. Reality t.v. is as addictive and bad for you as cigarettes.
3. You're going to get older and your skin is going to start looking funky...you should learn to love your funky skin.
4. Everyone is an internet stalker so you might as well quit pretending and just own up to it.
5. Cats have some secret club where they run off and smoke pot together. All cats are stoned, all of the time.
6. Love is awesome.
7. Barry Manilow is the greatest singer in the entire world.
8. In any bar, in any town, at any given moment, someone is doing an impersonation of David Caruso.
9. Election year turns 87.6% of the population into pompous, know-it-all, gossipy, argumentative, loud, obnoxious jerks.
10. Bill Gates is never going to give money to poor,sick kids for every e-mail you forward to your friends.
11. Clowns are scary.
12. Pork chops smell like B.O.
13. I can beat anyone at 80's pop culture trivia...ANYONE.
14. People don't complete people...theme music and synchronized dancing completes people.
15. Dogs are necessary for happiness.
16. Jason Voorhies is real and lives in whatever woodsy area I am unfortunate enough to be driving through at night.
17. It's ok to be friends with your exes...seriously.
18. Everything tastes better if it's made with olive oil and garlic...except cake.
19. ...these three dots are called an ellipse. Ellipses are the greatest thing since toast.
20. The eyes are the windows to the soul...which is true because dogs will sniff your eyeballs to find out if you love them enough to be worthy of scratching their butt.

Just in case you're into positivity and inspiration and all of that stuff, I've provided a link to Oprah's list here.