It could really be any member of the Voorhies family

So, these super awesome people featured my jewelry on their site today:



They've also featured the monster of a printer that I just bought (Epson Artisan 800)and a shower curtain that I'm pretty sure I need so we're getting along pretty well so far. They might be my new BFF (but only when I'm channeling Paris Hilton...wait...I never channel Paris Hilton...never mind).

www.craftastrophe.net has NOT featured me yet so all in all, it's a good day.

Anyway, on to our regularly scheduled blog post...
I find that I claim that things are "my worst nightmare" quite a bit. Technically, in order for something to be the worst, there should be only one - right? It's "the worst" not "all the worst" or "the worst bunch" or "the worstesses"....just one of them is supposed to get the prize - the worst one. However, at any given moment there are multiple fears vying for that position. So...um...

The top 20 things I know for sure right now, the fear version

1. Everyone I know has been aware that I have an absurdly large head this whole time but no one wants to be the one to point it out so they just keep quiet about it until I leave the room and then they all have a good laugh.
2. I'm slowly alienating everyone with my run-on sentences and my liberal use of ellipses.
3. Jason Voorhies is going to kill me.
4. My car will finally throw in the towel on a dark, abandoned, narrow, tree-lined road...so that Jason Voorhies can kill me.
5. My teeth are rotting out of my head.
6. I'm going to make fun of someone else's punctuation, spelling or grammar only when I do it, I'm going to make multiple punctuation, spelling and grammar mistakes.
7. My friends are going to "surprise" me by getting me on one of those reality t.v. shows...like "What Not to Wear" or "Tim Gunn's Guide to Style." Uh...oh...yay..surprise!
8. James really does have better moves than me.
9. I really should have taken that pamphlet.
10. A&E is going to decide that that's just about enough Law and Order and then what the hell am I going to do?
11. My pets secretly wish for a better owner.
12. No one else is an internet stalker - it's just me. I'm the only one.
13. I'm going to be simultaneously featured on www.craftastrophe.net and UglyShitOnEtsy and everyone is going to be all like "Finally! Someone that DESERVES to be here!"
14. At the exact moment I achieve internet domination, all of the bad ex-boyfriends are going to show up with the baskets of dirty laundry and the skeletons and everything that I've worked so hard for will be snatched from my grip and I'll be left huddled in the corner of my shower, alone and naked and crying into a bottle of Jack Daniels - and I don't even like Jack Daniels.
15. No matter how much I love my funky skin, people around me are wondering why I haven't injected botulism into my face yet.
16. My cat is going to get a hold of some real bad weed and freak out and claw my face off while I'm sleeping.
17. The internet is going to break.
18. My boobs are going to explode (um...soooo...there's a backstory to this but this is neither the time or place so just trust me when I say that this sort of thing freaks me out.)
19. I'm never going to be the lead singer of a Pat Benatar cover band, am I?
20. Jason Voorhies' mother is going to kill me.

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The top 20 things I know for sure...

Someone forwarded Oprah's "20 things I know for sure" list to me the other day. Although I generally hate forwards, this was a refreshing break from the usual round of politician bashing, "forward this or else" type e-mails I usually get. (If you don't check your forwards you may have missed the fact that Obama and McCain were conjoined twins who were surgically separated at the age of 3. Obama spent most of his youth as a platypus, while McCain chose to live in a tree. These are absolute facts which can be verified by any person willing to just look at the wall in a gas station bathroom. If you didn't forward this e-mail within 47 seconds of receiving it, you will never find true love, you don't care about little kids or puppies, and you've brought armageddon upon us all.)

Oprah's list got me thinking about what I know for sure...which I think would have to be adjusted to what I know for sure right now. After all, when I was 15 I knew for sure that nobody understood my pain and that the Cure was the greatest band ever. When I was 23 I knew for sure that bartending was the greatest job in the world and that real love was INTENSE. When I was 28 I knew for sure that every woman should wear fake eyelashes and that love was stupid.

So, I can't say that this will always be true, but for today I know the following 20 things for sure:

1. Toast is the greatest thing since sliced bread.
2. Reality t.v. is as addictive and bad for you as cigarettes.
3. You're going to get older and your skin is going to start looking funky...you should learn to love your funky skin.
4. Everyone is an internet stalker so you might as well quit pretending and just own up to it.
5. Cats have some secret club where they run off and smoke pot together. All cats are stoned, all of the time.
6. Love is awesome.
7. Barry Manilow is the greatest singer in the entire world.
8. In any bar, in any town, at any given moment, someone is doing an impersonation of David Caruso.
9. Election year turns 87.6% of the population into pompous, know-it-all, gossipy, argumentative, loud, obnoxious jerks.
10. Bill Gates is never going to give money to poor,sick kids for every e-mail you forward to your friends.
11. Clowns are scary.
12. Pork chops smell like B.O.
13. I can beat anyone at 80's pop culture trivia...ANYONE.
14. People don't complete people...theme music and synchronized dancing completes people.
15. Dogs are necessary for happiness.
16. Jason Voorhies is real and lives in whatever woodsy area I am unfortunate enough to be driving through at night.
17. It's ok to be friends with your exes...seriously.
18. Everything tastes better if it's made with olive oil and garlic...except cake.
19. ...these three dots are called an ellipse. Ellipses are the greatest thing since toast.
20. The eyes are the windows to the soul...which is true because dogs will sniff your eyeballs to find out if you love them enough to be worthy of scratching their butt.

Just in case you're into positivity and inspiration and all of that stuff, I've provided a link to Oprah's list here.

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