It could really be any member of the Voorhies family

So, these super awesome people featured my jewelry on their site today:



They've also featured the monster of a printer that I just bought (Epson Artisan 800)and a shower curtain that I'm pretty sure I need so we're getting along pretty well so far. They might be my new BFF (but only when I'm channeling Paris Hilton...wait...I never channel Paris Hilton...never mind).

www.craftastrophe.net has NOT featured me yet so all in all, it's a good day.

Anyway, on to our regularly scheduled blog post...
I find that I claim that things are "my worst nightmare" quite a bit. Technically, in order for something to be the worst, there should be only one - right? It's "the worst" not "all the worst" or "the worst bunch" or "the worstesses"....just one of them is supposed to get the prize - the worst one. However, at any given moment there are multiple fears vying for that position. So...um...

The top 20 things I know for sure right now, the fear version

1. Everyone I know has been aware that I have an absurdly large head this whole time but no one wants to be the one to point it out so they just keep quiet about it until I leave the room and then they all have a good laugh.
2. I'm slowly alienating everyone with my run-on sentences and my liberal use of ellipses.
3. Jason Voorhies is going to kill me.
4. My car will finally throw in the towel on a dark, abandoned, narrow, tree-lined road...so that Jason Voorhies can kill me.
5. My teeth are rotting out of my head.
6. I'm going to make fun of someone else's punctuation, spelling or grammar only when I do it, I'm going to make multiple punctuation, spelling and grammar mistakes.
7. My friends are going to "surprise" me by getting me on one of those reality t.v. shows...like "What Not to Wear" or "Tim Gunn's Guide to Style." Uh...oh...yay..surprise!
8. James really does have better moves than me.
9. I really should have taken that pamphlet.
10. A&E is going to decide that that's just about enough Law and Order and then what the hell am I going to do?
11. My pets secretly wish for a better owner.
12. No one else is an internet stalker - it's just me. I'm the only one.
13. I'm going to be simultaneously featured on www.craftastrophe.net and UglyShitOnEtsy and everyone is going to be all like "Finally! Someone that DESERVES to be here!"
14. At the exact moment I achieve internet domination, all of the bad ex-boyfriends are going to show up with the baskets of dirty laundry and the skeletons and everything that I've worked so hard for will be snatched from my grip and I'll be left huddled in the corner of my shower, alone and naked and crying into a bottle of Jack Daniels - and I don't even like Jack Daniels.
15. No matter how much I love my funky skin, people around me are wondering why I haven't injected botulism into my face yet.
16. My cat is going to get a hold of some real bad weed and freak out and claw my face off while I'm sleeping.
17. The internet is going to break.
18. My boobs are going to explode (um...soooo...there's a backstory to this but this is neither the time or place so just trust me when I say that this sort of thing freaks me out.)
19. I'm never going to be the lead singer of a Pat Benatar cover band, am I?
20. Jason Voorhies' mother is going to kill me.

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Voorhiesophobia?

I have about a zillion things that I could write about but all I can think about right now is the excruciating pain on the left side of my face. It's been there for about a month, although up until yesterday it was only throbbing...yesterday was when it graduated to excruciating. You're probably wondering why I didn't go to the dentist when the throbbing started...

...because I have that grill phobia that I spoke about earlier. I am always SURE that my teeth are rotting out of my head but I'm scared to death to have someone confirm this. About a month ago I was chewing some gum and part of one of my back teeth was yanked right out. I only know this happened because I then chomped down on the gum/tooth combo with one of my side teeth...the only one with a crown in it, actually. I was happily driving and singing Abba songs at the time and I'm sure quite a few people were freaked out by the girl suddenly driving crazy all over the road, screaming "Dancing Queen."

I pulled over and spit the gum out in my hand and there it was - confirmation that my teeth are indeed rotting out of my head. You'd think that since I now had confirmation that I would go ahead and go to the dentist...it's not like they were going to double confirm it or anything. But no...instead I went to Walgreens and bought some fake fillings, a gallon of mouthwash, some Ambesol, some ibuprofen and the best dental floss that money can buy. Unfortunately, fake fillings are about as useful as shoving mashed potatoes where your tooth used to be and excessive flossing doesn't make new teeth grow.

I'm going to the dentist tomorrow. I'm not happy about it but my face really hurts. Ouch face trumps dental phobia.

In other news, the contest is over. The winners have been notified and first and second place have been happily claimed and paid out. I'd like to thank everyone who allowed me to bribe you into visiting my blog - there will be plenty more bribes where that one came from. Also, I now know that in addition to my geniophobia, I have dentophobia. I still haven't figured out what the fear of Jason Voorhies is called.

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