No, I'm not in jail but I do think mugshots would make a really fantastic Christmas card.

I'm such a lame blogger these days. I was thinking about what I was going to write about today and we just had this freaky ice storm so I thought I could write about that...but that would require pictures and honestly, it's freaking cold outside and I think maybe the camera is in the bottom of the laundry basket or in the dishwasher or something and I'm too lazy to look for it. So, you know...freaky ice storm + no pictures = lame-ass blog post.

A couple of years ago we got hit with a monster snow storm and we were completely unprepared. Seriously...we had a half burned tea lite and a box of waffles in the house when we got about a gazillion inches of snow dumped on us. There was one grocery store in town open and the roads were so bad it took us something like 2 years to get there (ok, right - not 2 years but seriously, a really, REALLY long time).

I decided to be prepared this know, food in the cabinets, extra blankets, propane space heater with extra tanks, flashlights and candles...stuff that newscasters and Oprah Winfrey tell you to do every year but I always forget because given the choice between going out and getting the "End Times Survival Kit" and watching the Rock of Love finale for the 67th know...Rock of Love is a really, really good show.(I just had a, TWO thoughts...first: VH-1 should pay me or give me a t-shirt or something for how much I pimp their channel and second: how awesome would a mishmash reality t.v. musical be??? All serious and Andrew Lloyd Weber-ish, with a dash of Flavor Flav, sprinkled with shameless groupie, resting on a bed of douchebags? I think starring in such a musical might be my new dream.)

Anyway, I made James take me shopping because when the weather is super bad I prefer not to drive...actually, I never like to drive but bad weather is the only thing that usually gets me out of it.

Walking through the aisles at the store:

Me: Ok, you go get heaters and I'll get peanut butter and jelly and fruit and stuff. We'll meet in the bottled water aisle.
James: Right.

Ten minutes later...
Me: You only got one?
James: I have one at home that I use for ice fishing, we can use that.
Me: What if you're out ice fishing when the apocalypse hits? All of the animals will freeze to death because you only got one heater.
James: It's not the apocalypse, we don't need two space heaters.
Me: Yes we do and also, we need more propane.
James: We have 6 canisters at home, that's fine.
Me: Fine if it's not the apocalypse, you mean.
James: It's an ice storm.
Me: Could be "end times" though, ever think of that?
James: It's not end times and it's not the's winter.
Me: It snowed in Las Vegas and L.A. last're going to tell me that that's not a sign of end times?
James: You know you're ridiculous, right?
Me: Fine. When the apocalypse hits and the dogs and I are living in the bedroom with the space heater and our delicious peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and canned fruit cocktail, you can't come in. We'll be all ridiculous and warm and you'll be outside with your smug attitude and empty belly, all freezing and "please let me in, I'm so sorry, I'm cold and end times is here" and we won't because you suck so bad.
James: The door to the bedroom doesn't lock....sucker!

P.S. Sorry about the week and a half between blog posts. I'm preparing for my art opening and I've been working a lot and fluish and hiding from the apocalypse and that sort of's not only kept me away from you guys but also from t.v. so, you know, it's been pretty rough on me. Also, I got "tagged" by a fellow blogger and I was supposed to answer some questions or something and I've been terrified that this was going to happen to me and I was going to do it all wrong and instead I just forgot about it which also counts as screwing it up so you know, I'm going to probably address that on the next blog post. Hopefully. Also again:


w December 24, 2008 at 8:36 PM  


except... would the apocalypse be cold? i always imagined endtimes to have fire raining down. large balls of fire.

so. you might want to invest in portable a/c units, too. you know. just in case i'm right.

UrbanVox December 25, 2008 at 7:02 AM  

If it makes you feel any better I do believe the apocalypse is near!!!
the end of the world as we know it and all that...
I've been thinking about buying some land and building a bunker/fallout shelter with self sustaining capacity etc etc etc...
u want in???? ;)

Grace December 25, 2008 at 8:41 PM  

haha! I love your blog...

Mama December 29, 2008 at 6:51 PM  

OK, I follow you on Twitter, and just nearly died laughing when I read this hoolahoop ad! WTH!!! So funny, thanks!

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Everything in this blog is copyright Jessica Benassi AKA Hey Lola except where I give credit to other people because obviously, that's their stuff. Don't steal my stuff. I mean, I'm not sure why you would want to, anyway, but if you're thinking about it...don't. Also, all of this nonsense is my opininion and is not supported or endorsed by Blogger or anyone ese. I mean, maybe it is, but if something I say just infuriates you, I take sole responsibility.

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