I'm pretty sure he said no to the laser light show because he's jealous of my immortality.

James is no longer allowed to read my blog. He read the entry where I said I wanted people to start a rumor that I was a Highlander after I died and he totally stomped all over my dream:

First of all, you're not a Highlander and second of all, even if you were a Highlander, that wouldn't mean you were immortal. Have you even seen the movie?
Me: How do you know I'm not a Highlander?
James: Because you're from Minnesota. That's why you talk so funny, you know what I'm talkin' aboot?
Me: Ok, first of all, you suck and I don't talk funny and second of all, my relatives are from Scotland.
James: No, they're not! Your ancestors are Irish!
Me: It's a well known fact that my last name could be Irish or Scottish so my family could very well be from the Highlands, ergo, I am a Highlander.
James: Ergo, you're still not immortal.
Me: Then how come I'm not dead yet, huh smart guy?
James: That doesn't even make sense.
Me: Remember how I dropped a book on my face, and burnt my lip off and slammed my head into the car door and got practically slaughtered by the cat, all within 2 days? I think that would kill a normal person, yet here I am...alive and a Highlander.
James: You're an idiot. If anything, you're one of those desperate housewives from that show you always watch.
Me: It's Real Housewives and HOLY CRAP, THAT'S A FANTASTIC IDEA!!!
James: What are you talking about?
Me: "The Real Highlanders of the O.C." They'll be all, "I can't believe Gretchen got a pink sword....I told her I wanted the pink sword!" and "The Countess does not kill other Highlanders, The Countess has her maids kill Highlanders for her."
James: I don't know if I can marry you.
Me: "Jill! Jill! Do you think these diamonds are big enough to stop the other Highlanders from cutting my head off?"
James: I'm leaving you.

Me: James? Hello?

He came back eventually and he says he's still marrying me which is good because we've already spent some money on this thing. The only part that really sucks about planning the wedding is that I keep coming up with these really great ideas and James keeps shooting them down.

I thought walking down the aisle to "The Final Countdown" or anything by LL Cool J would be great, especially if we had a break dancer holding a boom box that played the music. I even had a guy willing to do it!

I really wanted a laser light show.

Instead of a cake, I wanted a bunch of cupcakes laid out like a Pacman board. No.

Instead of "you may now kiss the bride," I thought we could jump up in the air and high five each other.

The good thing about planning this wedding is that it's teaching us a lot about compromise and working together, which is important when you're married.
Also, I'm totally doing all of that stuff anyway no matter what James says and I'm just going to surprise everyone at the wedding. I think it will be a nice surprise...like Christmas, kind of.

*I told James that he wasn't allowed to read my blog anymore and he reminded me that it was on the internet. Which is public. He's the biggest surprise ruiner ever.

P.S. I still haven't picked out Imaginary Baby's name yet and also, he's going to have to have an out of body experience the day of the wedding 'cause no way am I trying to get into my dress when I'm 3 years pregnant. I mean, unless I try something like this:


copperseal March 3, 2009 at 9:06 PM  

you have a minnesota accent?? that..

is so hot.

p.s. that is the most beautiful wedding dress i've ever seen. totally

Insanity Kim March 3, 2009 at 9:26 PM  

I busted an eye vein while reading this post because I guffawed so boisterously! There is blood everywhere and now my number seven key won't work!

I shall now go and order an eye patch.

w March 3, 2009 at 10:03 PM  

dude. you make me laugh. like seriously. not many people can do that. i can. i can make myself laugh. but that's because i'm a highlander.

name your fake baby after me. wendiwinn. only add "the second". because junior is so childish.

and at my wedding. oh 13 years ago. instead of "you may now kiss the bride", we had... "you may now make bacon for your bride".

Dawn March 3, 2009 at 11:25 PM  

That picture is...so totally disturbing. But you should do it!
The fact that my word verification is "ovarfi," which is almost just like ovaries (or just "ovary, if you're saying it out loud for some reason), is a sign!


Blond Across the Pond March 4, 2009 at 12:36 AM  

I do adore you. Somehow...the end of the blog always throws me off a bit and I laugh out loud. Good for the soul AND I feel your wedding planning pain. My up-do practice went well until my mom and fiance staged an intervention. They told me the bun with nice curls pinned around it looked like a butt hole. Back to the drawing board...

Brandy March 4, 2009 at 9:40 AM  

I say no matter what you must go down the aisle while the boombox guy plays Final Countdown. That would so rock!

UrbanVox March 4, 2009 at 10:31 AM  

you've escaped the looney bin!!!

Kathleen Coy March 4, 2009 at 10:51 AM  

Walking down the aisle to The Final Countdown would totally rule! Actually, doing ANYTHING to The Final Countdown rules, when you think aboot it...

dcr March 4, 2009 at 11:57 AM  

I think you should stand your ground on the Pacman cupcake idea. That would be cool!

The Wheelman March 4, 2009 at 2:31 PM  

Remind James that the immortals only realized they were immortal AFTER they "died" in some fashion other than beheading.

Which means you could totally be a Highlander, even if you are Irish.

PS: This is the artist formerly known as "Nude"

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy March 4, 2009 at 6:13 PM  

Your blog is so much funnier when I read it in my head in a Minnesotan accent.

Just sayin.

Dizzy Ms. Lizzy March 4, 2009 at 7:32 PM  

The PacMan cupcake arrangement? TOTALLY cool.

The Laser Light show? Absolutely!

Boombox with "Final Countdown"?? Very much appropriate, if you think about it . ..

The wedding dress picture? OMG. Disturbing on so many levels . . . :-)

jeweledrabbit March 4, 2009 at 8:45 PM  

James is such a philistine. Are you sure you want to marry him?

Jennifer March 5, 2009 at 3:17 AM  

Why would he veto "The Final Countdown"? That is a classic! And very Highlander-esque.

carrie March 5, 2009 at 11:14 AM  

I really don't know what to say to all that. So why leave a comment? Because I think you should know that now I have some wonky, yet funny mental pictures in my head. That's a good thing, I assure you.

And I've never heard of Highlanders, but if they get pink swords, I'm in.

Light and Writing March 5, 2009 at 7:29 PM  

Wow! That was hilarious! All of it!

Insanity Kim March 6, 2009 at 1:27 PM  

What's in your purse?

Word verification says,


how cosmically aligned is that?

Please tell me. Thank you.

elfini March 6, 2009 at 11:40 PM  

2 words: Fake Belly!

Do it. Do it all!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

About This Blog

Everything in this blog is copyright Jessica Benassi AKA Hey Lola except where I give credit to other people because obviously, that's their stuff. Don't steal my stuff. I mean, I'm not sure why you would want to, anyway, but if you're thinking about it...don't. Also, all of this nonsense is my opininion and is not supported or endorsed by Blogger or anyone ese. I mean, maybe it is, but if something I say just infuriates you, I take sole responsibility.

  © blog templates 3 column by blog templates 2008

Back to TOP