I'm totally married and also why does elongating your junk make you look like a serial killer?

First....I'm sorry...again. I'm probably like the worst pseudo blogger friend type person you know. I tell you I'm all running off to get married and then you don't see or here from me for a month and it's not like you have my number and can call so for all you know I never got married and I fell into a Bolivian prostitution/drug and coffee smuggling ring or something...and you probably totally wanted to rescue me and maybe even called the police and tried to give them a description and you were all, "Um...I'm pretty sure she has a GIANT head...um...and she likes pugs...OH! She talks to her lawn! And also, her head is GIGANTIC!" and the police were all, "Right, sure, ok, great description, crazy person" which seriously...serves you right for hanging out with lunatics like me.

Anyway, my point is, I'm ok and not a hooker and thank you for being so concerned about me. I missed you, too. For real. And also, I really did get married. I swear. It was super awesome and now we've been married for almost a month and we're still together...crazy. Some highlights:

*The night before the wedding, our friends took us out and we maturely celebrated our love and commitment to each other.

* James took me to be his bride...and then I took him to be my bride. It was an error that nobody caught until we saw the video ...so James and I are totally lesbians and gay marriage is legal in Chicago...or at least right outside Wrigley Field.

*If you're trying to figure out where to get married and you think a funny wedding picture would be right underneath the Harry Caray statue in Wrigley Field, acting all scared and stuff because seriously, that statue is terrifying (He for real has the souls of children sewn into his pants!)....you should totally plan your entire wedding around that idea.

* As a wedding gift, somebody gave me a big blue fist with a beer huggy built into it...so I could spend my time at the reception knocking people out but never losing my beer.

After the reception, we took our bridal party to a Cubs/Cardinals game. Also, this is all fluffy and romantic and it totally doesn't belong here but...it was a really, really great day.

P.S. Happy guy with Superman like junk? Or totally unstable serial killer, moments away from a complete psychotic breakdown? I think we all know the answer.


copperseal August 5, 2009 at 11:52 PM  

glad to see you escaped Bolivia and married "safely"!

love your dress ;)

musicjunkie August 6, 2009 at 6:23 AM  

You look gorgeous in your dress! And Congrats!

If my honey came home looking like that dude, I'd totally be running out the back door, with a weapon!

Miragi August 6, 2009 at 6:27 AM  

So cool. Now all your dreams, fantasies and future offspring will be cloaked in the spirit of Harricus Carricus :D

Looks like it went splendidly! Glad you made it there and back safely and become wedded lesbians. Rock on! Missed you on Twitter, but hey, YOU have a life!! :)

In other words: Congratulations!

Insanity Kim August 6, 2009 at 9:19 AM  

HAHHAHA oh man!

Your wedding seems like a dream! Like a dream I had when I married my husband who was actually my wife and we were chased by statues of child-eating baseball commentators, and I had blue Hulk fists which my husband LOVED on our first night together because well, ya know...he owns a bat.

We just celebrated 13 years, and we're still going strong, finishing each other's sentences and laughing at my sweatpants. Here's to a vagillion years of great marriage stuff and things!

BTW I got you a toaster. Well, the word, toaster. Here, I'll write it all weird for you,


There, cool and creepy, like this comment...

Kathleen Coy August 6, 2009 at 9:44 AM  

Hey darlin, good to see ya, and congrats on being married and all. The hubbs looks like a riot! I thought you were kidding about the statue of Harry Caray having the souls of children sewn into his pants until I enlarged the photo...YIKES! I can't believe you guys stood so close!!!

w August 6, 2009 at 10:17 AM  


in the crowd picture. see the lady in the white strapless dress? the blond? with the sunglasses? over to the left of the picture?

i don't know her.

and congrats. even though i wasn't invited to your wedding... i have a sneaky suspicion i'll be invited to the baby shower.

Violet LeBeaux August 6, 2009 at 5:52 PM  

Awesome, just awesome! This is fantastic. Your day looked both hilarious and lovely. I love the dress!

KucK August 7, 2009 at 1:08 AM  

Yay! Congratulations!

jeweledrabbit August 7, 2009 at 7:23 PM  

Yay for tying the knot! =OD

Denae August 14, 2009 at 12:16 AM  

SO excited for you guys. My fav pic is of the two of you smootching. Romantic yet REAL. Beautiful dress, too. Congratulations.

auntie August 25, 2009 at 7:37 PM  

not to sound all creepy-ish or anything, but you're just absolutely adorable! not sure how i haven't noticed that before...unless you've never posted a picture of yourself on here? basically, i have a horrible memory, so maybe i've seen a picture of you and made this same comment before. hard to say.

anyway! congrats on the wedding, it looks like you had loads of fun. and the kissing picture is super cute!!

w August 30, 2009 at 7:31 PM  

well then. you're either busy with your new married life or your new husband has you locked up in the basement.

either way, it's time for a post.

Insanity Kim August 30, 2009 at 7:35 PM  

I was just talking to winn and yeah. I think you're stuck in the basement too...or something like that. Maybe you've been in labor for 236 hours, or, maybe your braces locked with your hubby's and you are surviving by drinking lime aid through a straw. Or maybe the zombies came and they trapped you in your house and you're desperately trying to make an antidote. Anyway hope to hear something soon. That baby must be huge by now!

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Everything in this blog is copyright Jessica Benassi AKA Hey Lola except where I give credit to other people because obviously, that's their stuff. Don't steal my stuff. I mean, I'm not sure why you would want to, anyway, but if you're thinking about it...don't. Also, all of this nonsense is my opininion and is not supported or endorsed by Blogger or anyone ese. I mean, maybe it is, but if something I say just infuriates you, I take sole responsibility.

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