I'm totally married and also why does elongating your junk make you look like a serial killer?

First....I'm sorry...again. I'm probably like the worst pseudo blogger friend type person you know. I tell you I'm all running off to get married and then you don't see or here from me for a month and it's not like you have my number and can call so for all you know I never got married and I fell into a Bolivian prostitution/drug and coffee smuggling ring or something...and you probably totally wanted to rescue me and maybe even called the police and tried to give them a description and you were all, "Um...I'm pretty sure she has a GIANT head...um...and she likes pugs...OH! She talks to her lawn! And also, her head is GIGANTIC!" and the police were all, "Right, sure, ok, great description, crazy person" which seriously...serves you right for hanging out with lunatics like me.

Anyway, my point is, I'm ok and not a hooker and thank you for being so concerned about me. I missed you, too. For real. And also, I really did get married. I swear. It was super awesome and now we've been married for almost a month and we're still together...crazy. Some highlights:

*The night before the wedding, our friends took us out and we maturely celebrated our love and commitment to each other.








* James took me to be his bride...and then I took him to be my bride. It was an error that nobody caught until we saw the video ...so James and I are totally lesbians and gay marriage is legal in Chicago...or at least right outside Wrigley Field.



*If you're trying to figure out where to get married and you think a funny wedding picture would be right underneath the Harry Caray statue in Wrigley Field, acting all scared and stuff because seriously, that statue is terrifying (He for real has the souls of children sewn into his pants!)....you should totally plan your entire wedding around that idea.



* As a wedding gift, somebody gave me a big blue fist with a beer huggy built into it...so I could spend my time at the reception knocking people out but never losing my beer.



After the reception, we took our bridal party to a Cubs/Cardinals game. Also, this is all fluffy and romantic and it totally doesn't belong here but...it was a really, really great day.



P.S. Happy guy with Superman like junk? Or totally unstable serial killer, moments away from a complete psychotic breakdown? I think we all know the answer.

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