James: Is she saying "hamburger?"
James: In the song...she's saying something is like a hamburger.
Me: It's not a hamburger.
James: Yes it is..listen...something, something, something "hamburger."
Me: It's her heart...her heart is beating like a "hammer."
James: That's stupid. What does that even mean?
Me: Are you dumb?
James: Am I dumb? "ooooo, look at me, I'm too cool for lyrics that make sense 'cause I'm all edgy and stuff." You're an idiot.
Me: HAMMER. Her heart is beating like a HAMMER.
James: Oh. Well that makes more sense.
Me: It's amazing what listening does.
James: Whatever, you're still an idiot.
Me: Because your heart is beating like a hamburger?
James: No. Just because.
Normally I would argue with him, but in the last 24 hours I pretty much proved him right by:
* Throwing my self into a set of dog stairs when I tripped over a piece of air that was...hanging in the air or something.
* Falling off of a ledge in our office when I tripped over a piece of air, launching my knee into a steel safe, after which I immediately rolled around on the floor in agony for a half an hour while my co-workers gathered around, drank coffee and laughed at me.
* Recovering from the safe incident and immediately tripping over a piece of air and falling down a short set of steps.
* Throwing myself off my front porch when I tripped over a piece of air.
* Nearly spraining my wrist when I punched James in the elbow for laughing at me when I tripped over a piece of...air.
And just so everyone is clear...there's ice covering every square inch of nearly every surface here and I have injured myself half a dozen times in the last day by tripping over AIR. For my own safety I clearly shouldn't be allowed to do anything but stay in bed all day and watch reality t.v. and eat microwave popcorn ...
(while wearing goggles because in addition to tripping over air I also got a freaking popcorn kernel stuck in my eye for three days and also got my face mauled half off by a killer spider which almost got me fired from my job except I'm really great at my job, and also I'm the only one willing to do it for the $3.00 an hour that they pay me even if I do show up looking like some Deliverance reject...but that's a different story.)