How To Be Married: Supporting Your Spouse's Goals

Part of the award winning series *

"How To Be Married,"
by Jessica Benassi,
self-proclaimed expert on marriage.

    Once upon a time, not so long ago, my husband decided to take up the art of photography. He's actually pretty good at it, but I don't like to tell him.

    Complimenting your husband creates bad habits like positive self image and good self esteem and pride and all of that nonsense that I'd rather not saddle him with or have to deal with on a regular basis. When husbands are good at stuff, it's best that THEY don't know that YOU know that they're good at stuff, because then they'll try harder to make you notice how good they are at stuff by being even BETTER at stuff and the end result is probably going to be breakfast in bed or a spotless house or a back rub or maybe a new car with a bow on it or something.

Anyway, when James got his most recent new camera gadget thingamajig, this happened:

Me: I think I got bit by a spider on my face...
James: That looks kind of gross.
Me: I know.  Also, I have a popcorn kernel stuck in my eye or something...
James: Yeah...your eye is pretty red.  It's a little swollen, too.
Me: And I spilled coffee on my shirt...
James:'re kind of a mess.
Me: I know.  I think I need to hide in the house for a while.
James: Cool, I need to play with my new camera...hold still...

Me: I'd rather-

Me: Seriously, please don't take my pict-

 Me: No, for real, I don't want -

Me:Seriously, dude, can you please just-

Me: I'm not -


Me: I'm seriously going to-

Me: No, for real, I'm-

Me: Are you finished?
James: I think so.

James: Just kidding!

Me: You're seriously the worst husband ever....

And that's why:

This is my husband when his hair is a bird and he's being chased by zombies, one of which is scary George Clooney two headed zombie and another zombie who is my dog and all of the zombies are probably going to eat his brains because he runs like a girl, except not like me because I run pretty fast.

Also, he has boobs. 

And his hair is a bird.

Because I'm an artist, too.


Elly Lou January 14, 2012 at 9:18 AM  

Bird hair. That poor bastard. Everyone knows this season it's all about the armadillo 'do.

Tom G. January 18, 2012 at 8:17 AM  

Damn it. I just snorted coffee on my shirt.

Also, I believe I saw two head George Clooney Zombie in a dream last week. You haven't been hanging around my subconscious lately have you?

If you have can you please tell Catherine Zeta Jones Dominatrix that I miss her.

karensomethingorother January 18, 2012 at 8:22 AM  

I'm such an idiot! I just found the comment section at the bottom of this post. Somehow it eluded me last time, but I had to come back to say that I love your husband with boobs and bird hair so much it actually made me less grouchy!

karensomethingorother January 18, 2012 at 8:35 AM  

Oh! Oh! You came over to bond over head cropping, but there was no head cropping in that post. So, I would like to share with you how retarded I am:

Rebecca Grace January 20, 2012 at 5:31 PM  

Ah, sweet revenge! Just be glad he doesn't have a blog where he can post his macro photos of you with popcorn in your eye all over the Internet. Because revenge is contagious...

JS February 2, 2012 at 6:10 PM  

And that is the funniest moment of my day.

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About This Blog

Everything in this blog is copyright Jessica Benassi AKA Hey Lola except where I give credit to other people because obviously, that's their stuff. Don't steal my stuff. I mean, I'm not sure why you would want to, anyway, but if you're thinking about it...don't. Also, all of this nonsense is my opininion and is not supported or endorsed by Blogger or anyone ese. I mean, maybe it is, but if something I say just infuriates you, I take sole responsibility.

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