How to be a Professional Cell Phone Pet Photographer
by Jessica Benassi,
Professional Pet Photographer and Expert on Pet and Cell Phone Photography
One of the things that I've noticed lately, is how a bad economy kind of forces people to look deep within themselves and find those talents that they never really knew that they had, and to turn around and start a business with those talents. Like many people with talent, I also have talent. Sometimes I feel sorry for people because I actually have probably well over 50 talents that I can make money with, and lots of people only have one or two talents. One of the talents that I have is professional cell phone pet photography, which is very valuable in today's economy and why I'm so lucky to have been born with it as one of my many talents.
Probably the most important part of professional cell phone pet photography is making sure that your pictures tell a story. It's ok if they're blurry or out of focus or the light is bad, because that stuff is artistic and creative and also, lots of photos on facebook are blurry and out of focus and that's actually where most of the best cell phone photographers got their start.
Today I'm going to share an example of what professional cell phone pet photography looks like, so that if you're considering it as a career, you won't get confused by other people who are trying to pass themselves off as professionals, but are in fact, only imposters. Because this is a lesson, I'm also going to spell out the story that I'm telling with the photos, even though other professional cell phone pet photographers will know exactly what I'm saying because they're professionals and also, pictures are worth a thousand words, but only if you know how to read.
This is me with my dog Jack. This picture tells the story of Jack eating the back of my head. Notice how my face is sad? A sad face is good when you're trying to tell a story without words...it lets people know that you're sad without you even having to say anything.
This picture tells the story of Jack trying to yank the hairs out of my head. This is what we in the professional cell phone pet photography field call an "action shot."
Some people might think this shot is a mistake, like maybe Jack kicked the phone or something while I was trying to take this picture. That's not what this is, though. This shot is artistic and you might wonder, "hey! what's that finger doing there?" and the answer is that this finger symbolizes society and Jack and I are oppressed by it.
This is another action shot. If this were a movie, this would be the part where you might wonder if the hero is going to make it out alive, or if they're going to instead get their face eaten off. In your head, ominous music should be playing, because that's what was happening in my head when I took this shot.
Quitters never win, and winners never quit...Jack is still trying to eat my face off and it's at this moment in the story that you might wonder if Jack is even human or if he's some weird terminator robot and is about to rip his fur off and become Arnold Schwarzenegger. Also, if you're wondering why it looks like I'm smiling in this shot it's probably because you're still an amateur and you haven't really figured out symbolism yet.
This is the part in the story where Jack distracts me with a joke and it's so hilarious and we're both just laughing and laughing, but also, because I'm really good at telling stories through photography, you can still see the pain behind my eyes because Jack just ripped out most of my hair ... with his teeth.
This is sort of an action shot, except everybody is really tired of this game, so Jack is just kind of gnawing on my face a little bit and I'm secretly plotting my revenge and...
...then Jack gets possessed by evil spirits and I'm all screaming and stuff and the tension is so high and nobody has any holy water or rock salt (we watch "Supernatural") or strange symbols that protect you when your dog turns all Cujo and then...
...Jack is all "just kidding" because he doesn't want you to win the fight because you found some holy water and he's trying to trick you and you don't fall for it and instead you turn him into a blurry blob with some stuff that you learned reading a "Harry Potter" book, and the story ends and you're all smiley and you also look a little bit like a crazy person due to the hours of fighting with your dog and stuff but none of that matters because you're the hero.