Seriously Sucktastic

During my internet exploring the other day, I ran into this letter:

"Dear Coffee Shop Workers,
When I go to your coffee shop and order a medium 1/2 and 1/2 for 29 days of the month, DO NOT ASSUME I will order the same type of coffee on the 30th day!! Do not try to read my mind! Do not have a drink prepared for me when I enter your coffee shop! Let Me tell YOU what I want!

I used to go to a certain coffee shop every morning. For about 2 weeks, I placed the same order. But one day, I wanted to try a different drink. When I got ready to place a new and much more expensive coffee order, I was handed ALREADY prepared the old order.

So, I had to stop going to this coffee shop. I appreciate your attention, but let me tell you what I want! Please dont try to do any predictions!"

Seriously. This woman stopped going to a coffee shop because someone had prepared her drink ahead of time. Then she posted a rant about it online. When people mentioned that they found her rant a bit...perplexing...she clarified her original rant by saying, "...When coffee folks become pompous "know it all", I find it annoying. What makes you and others think I want the same coffee every single day!..."
Ah...of course. Now I see what you mean...wait. No...no, I don't.

And then I started thinking about toy companies and the toys that they make that are supposed to mimic real life jobs and they're all cool and awesome and instead of getting mad at this random tool on the internet I got kind of mad at the toy makers.

Case in point: Elmo's Restaurant. First, let me just clarify that I'm an Elmo fan...I think he has sweet dance moves, the giggling is cute, and he's generally a pretty good time. The restaurant on the other hand...I hate the restaurant. In the commercials the kids are all running around and laughing and singing and there's Grover and Elmo and Cookie Monster and one of the kids is like, "can I take your order?" and all of the rest of the kids are all grinning and dancing and "Yeah!" and it's like working in a restaurant is the greatest freaking party on earth. No where in Elmo's Restaurant is a kid pretending to be an asshat like the one from the above letter. In my head I see the kids from Elmo's Restaurant growing older and applying for their first jobs at a restaurant and getting all excited 'cause now it's time for the real party and then BAM!

Asshat.

All restaurant party dreams destroyed - probably in the first day. The kids will go home all dejected...they'll go up to the attic and unpack Elmos' Restaurant and smile wistfully, thinking about those awesome restaurant party days...they might even find some renewed energy and go back to work the next day all optimistic, confident that today is going to be the day that the party begins...and then somebody's going to tip them a penny and maybe someone else will loudly blame them for the spinach/ecoli epidemic and someone is going to chuck a bagel at their head and they are finally going to know...they got played.

There is no party. No dancing, no laughter, no fuzzy little monsters who giggle when you press their belly. And they're going to go home and go back up to the attic and they're going to unpack Elmo's restaurant again and they're going to weep and...

Ok....nevermind. That got a way from me a little bit. My point is, if you're going to make a toy that mimics a job, ALWAYS INCLUDE THE ASSHAT.

The End.

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