That one time that I didn't have tetanus, won some awards and decided to get married.

I know I'm really super late with this post but I have a whole buttload of really fantastic excuses AND some of them are even true. (Ok, so originally I was going to write "assload" but then I remembered that I'm trying to be less offensive online than I am in real life so I put "buttload" instead and then I remembered that one of my college chemistry professors once told me that a "buttload" was a real unit of measurement back in the days of yore and I wasn't sure if he was lying to me then and I just remembered so I looked it up and all I found was a bunch of crap about a "buttload" of Teenage Mutant Ninja Nurtles, drugs and hookers...for real. So, you know...be careful of your chemistry teacher, because he can totally lead you down the wrong path. Also, I really thought that I would find that buttload WAS an actual unit of measurement and my blog could start to be informative and useful but instead I just wasted some more of your time and swore at you. Sorry.)

So, our house is falling down around us. Our water heater blew up and then, about 5 days later our upstairs bathroom sink started leaking and we had to rip out the ceiling downstairs and replace a bunch of old copper pipes because our house is a gazillion years old. Do you guys have any idea how difficult and time consuming it is to fix all of that stuff on your own??? Yeah...me either but James was really bitching about it so I'm guessing it wasn't fun. I was trying to watch my Sunday night reality t.v. shows and he kept swearing and banging on stuff and yelling for me to help and it was really distracting. I had to turn the t.v. up almost full blast just to be able to hear everybody on "Rock of Love." I kept telling him to keep it down but I think we've already established the fact that he's pretty selfish and only cares about himself...seriously, he kept hammering and yelling even when I was trying to watch "The Real Housewives of New York City" which is total crap because the housewives are always whispering rude stuff to each other and I really need to be able to hear that.

Anyway, after the house fiasco was over, we got a letter that confirmed our purchase of a bunch of Cubs tickets this summer...

...which means we finally have a wedding date. We're having a ridiculous, fun, totally non-traditional wedding and going to a Cubs game is a huge part of that and we had to wait for tickets to go on sale and then see if we could actually get them and also, this is something like the 27th time we've tried to plan our wedding so when we got that letter we kind of freaked out a little bit. So, you know, that's been kind of distracting.

Then, I was going to write a post earlier today but I was pretty sure I had tetanus so I had to spend a long time online diagnosing myself and mentally planning my funeral and writing my own eulogy and picking out the perfect song ("Who Wants to Live Forever" by Queen and also I'd like someone to start a rumor that I'm a Highlander and that I'm probably really not dead) and I was getting seriously emotional and crying a little bit because funerals are pretty sad...and then I remembered that I wacked myself in the jaw with the car door while I was bringing groceries in so, you know... good news everybody! I'm ok, I just beat myself up again. Of course.

Anyway, the real point of this post is to tell you that I won some blogger awards this week. Maureen at Jeweled Rabbit gave me a Lemonade Award and Erica at Copperseal gave me a Cute's Blogger Award. I'm supposed to accept and do some stuff and then tell you to do some stuff but here's the thing: Last time I won an award I did my part and then I tagged all of you and you guys were all supposed to give me five dollars and I'm not naming names or pointing fingers or anything but not one of you gave me five bucks. It's like...it just kind of takes away the legitimacy of blogger awards when you guys won't even play by the rules, you know? Anyway, I graciously accept these awards and once again I tag all of you back and once again I would really like that five bucks you owe me. I'm supposed to share a list of things about myself but I'm obviously a pretty private person so instead I thought that this would be a really great opportunity to share the list of imaginary baby names I've been considering.
Ahem...

1. Ignatius Letterman Esquire, XIII
2. Orbit Twitter Jones
3. Horatio Cane CSI Junior
4. Ash Campbell
5. Brooklyn Mogwai Ewok
6. Prince Kanye Crimefighter
7. Awesome the First
8. Moon Unit Stefani
9. Pirate Rainbow Depp
10. Inspektor Orange Julius Timberlake

P.S. This whole wedding and imaginary baby thing has made me start thinking about the future...



Via American Copywriter

P.P.S. I felt so bad about not updating in over a week that I am currently updating this through a blinding migraine. Seriously. I forgot to drink coffee today and now it's too late so it feels like my eyeballs are melting out of my skull and this post may have suffered because of it but really, I did it for you so if my blog sucks, you have no one to blame but yourselves. Also, don't forget that five dollars.

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