47% of everything Google says is 97% true which is why it's ok to use it as a substitute for a marriage counselor. Usually.

The other night when all of the plumbing in the freezing cold basement at our place broke, James and I got into a huge fight. Obviously. Everybody knows that a gigantic fight is the first step in fixing a plumbing problem. It went something along the lines of:

Me: No! Water!
James: Broken. Everything's broken.
Me: Fix water!
James: Can't. Broken.
Me: Water feet! Cold! YOU!
James: Quiet! Broken water!
Me: No. YOU quiet!
James: Smell bad!
Me: You smell bad!
James: Water smell bad! Stupid!

I think we went back and forth like that for something like 76 years until a plumber showed up. When I got home I started googling ways to save my marriage, because everybody knows that 47% of marriages fail because people don't use google after a fight, and also because google is the answer for everything.

Google said that James and I should roleplay so that we can understand each other better, but when I talked to him about it he was all resistant because he hates marriage, and also, he hates fun.

Me: Google says that we're supposed to dress up like the Real Housewives of Atlanta so we can save our marriage.
James: Save our marriage from what?
Me: From ourself...selves.
James: Ourselfselves?
Me: Whatever. Anyway, I bought you this wig. Put it on.
James: I'm not putting on that wig, and also, why are you still wearing the tampon shoes?
Me: I know. I can't take them off, though. They're so warm on my toes. Also, check out my weave.
James: You know we have mirrors here that you can use?
Me: I can't believe we're on the brink of divorce and you won't even wear this wig to save our marriage.
James: I'm pretty sure our marriage will be ok without me wearing that wig.
Me: I can't wait until you fall asleep so we can roleplay like Google told us to.

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