Why Jesus is Jesus and James is not.

Me:  If I was Jesus, I think I would be mad at people who gave up facebook for Lent. Well, maybe not mad.  Maybe sad. Aren't you supposed to give up beef or something?
James: I'm not sure.  I think it's food of some sort.
Me:  Yeah.  If people gave up facebook instead of food for Lent and I was Jesus, I'd be all, "come on, man!  Are you serious?" and I'd probably be weeping and stuff...
James:  Not me.  If I were Jesus, I'd be so pissed off at everyone. I'd delete everyone's facebook and smite them.  With explosions.

James: That's probably another reason that I wouldn't make a very good Jesus.
Me:  Yeah, 'cause you'd just be mad all of the time about Lent and blowing stuff up.
James: Yeah, and there would be owls everywhere.
Me: What?
James: Yeah, every tree filled with hundreds of owls, all  "who cooks for you? hoo!hoo!HOO! HOO! WHOCOOKSFORYOOOOOOOOOOU!" *
Me: You can't have hundreds of owls in every tree.  They'll start dying.
James: Um...no.  Not if they're magic Jesus owls.
Me: Magic Jesus owls? Are you serious?
James: Uh-huh.  I'd make them in my own image.
Me: So if you're Jesus, you're just going to fill the world with a bunch of owls that look like you...?
James: Yep.  And blow up people's facebook accounts.
Me: You're right.  You'd make a terrible Jesus.

* It should be noted that we had this conversation while driving, and when James started talking about all of the owls in the trees and making his crazy owl noises, he got all bug eyed and crazy and started shouting "HOO!HOO!HOO!" and almost veered off the road and killed a little old lady pushing her cart of groceries across the street....with her baby granddaughter....and her puppy. Because James is a bad, bad man and also unnaturally obsessed with owls.

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