Jessica.: why did I even bother writing this

I just spent about 45 minutes writing the most suck ass blog entry ever. I pretty much knew that it sucked going into it, but for some reason I kept going and lying to myself about it...I was all mentally high fiving myself and "yeah! This is GOOD!" and then I finished it and I previewed it and I was all, "wow...you are totally the WORST blogger ever. I can't believe that you're trying to pass this crap off to people. You're an embarassment to the bloggy community....you should be ashamed of yourself...go stand in the corner with gum on your nose, missy!"

And I was totally going to listen to myself except when I was yelling at myself, I was doing it kind of like this guy:

...which totally made me laugh and also, my name isn't missy so it turns out I wasn't even yelling at myself, it was some other girl.

So, the other day Insanity Kim pretty much dared me to show the world what I have in my purse and she seemed pretty excited about it...like I'm going to whip out my vagina purse and start pulling out a Ph.D in Immortality (I have one) and a bunch of Imaginary Babies and some swords and throwing stars and a stoned cat and maybe a box of crackers or something. First of all, I don't even have the vagina purse anymore and second of all....yeah, right, like I'm going to show the whole world the contents of my super secret Highlander purse. Insanity Kim is trying to steal my baby AND my immortality...for real.

Anyway, I do have a regular, normal person purse which is full of regular, normal person stuff because when I'm not a Highlander, I live my life like a regular, normal person (I'm totally like Superman or Spiderman or Batman or something except I'm not a man and also, if I had a costume it would be way cuter and also it would have glasses because I can't see anything without them and also, no cape because I'm not really into anything that's exercise-y or that's going to make me tired or sweaty). Ahem :

Also, I would just like to point out that 38 of those gum wrappers are Orbit gum wrappers...the other 3 are Stride wrappers and I only chewed the Stride because I was out of Orbit and I had to borrow some gum from my anonymous friend who hates me which is why she doesn't carry extra Orbit for when I run out...anyway, even though the CEO of Orbit gum has STILL not acknowledged the fact that he's the father of my imaginary baby, here I am...supporting him. He's like a deadbeat dad, squared.

Orbit Gum Company, you are TOTALLY shirking your parental responsibilities. Orbit Gum Company AKA Shirky McShirkerson. Seriously.

P.S. If you're wondering what a Super Secret Highlander purse might look like...it looks nothing like this:

(That's a for real purse. Somebody made that. To use. As a purse. You should really read all about this thing here, at Craftastrophe)