Art and wine and rock stars and Oprah Winfrey and tears...it's like a weird cultural soup or something.

Ok, I know...I'm seriously neglectful of this blog lately. I have really, really good excuses, though. Seriously. One of them is this art opening/reception tonight. It's mine, actually. It's tonight, it's at One World (Peoria, Illinois), it's at 7:00...and there's wine. Probably people you know will be there so you won't have to spend the whole evening listening to me talking about the new season of Rock of Love...although you should, because it's AWESOME.

As expected, every member of the new cast is a complete trainwreck. There are far more cartoonishly large breasts than I would have hoped for but the ridiculousness that accompanies them more than makes up for the distraction. Brett Michaels has new hair extensions and there's something really weird going on with his make-up, but other than that, he's still the same guy we all know and love from the first 2 seasons.

My hope is that he finds his Rock of Love and then they break up real fast...I mean, I want him to be happy and love is great and all of that but for real...if there's another season I'm so there. James has given me permission, I have a push-up bra and I know how to wear fake eyelashes. Rock of Love could be even better than Oprah...

Also, the Oprah Winfrey site has a page where you can apply to be on her show for any number of things...most of them are heartwarming and sweet and touching...the only one that applies to me is something about "Is your car a cluttered, disgusting nightmare?" or something like that...my car actually is, so I might get on Oprah yet. I just have to figure out if I can somehow find a moment in getting my car cleaned out that will make me cry...I mean, obviously it's no good going on Oprah Winfrey if you're not going to cry.

P.S. I was going to post a picture of some celebrity crying on Oprah's couch but oddly enough...I couldn't find one. Don't all celebrities cry on Oprah's couch? WHERE ARE THE PICTURES????? Anyway, I got you this instead:




nataliedee.com
(Natalie Dee might be my favorite person that I've never met...actually, if she had a show, she'd probably rank higher than Oprah.)

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Believes and Convictions*

I love/hate watching reality t.v. with James. The love comes because he actually enjoys and keeps up with some of the same (admittedly craptastic) shows that I do. We're both completely obsessed with "Rock of Love." We share a mutual disappointment in "Rock of Love - Charm School." We had really high hopes for the girls and Sharon Osbourne...unfortunately, that show just sucks. They just eliminated one of the Rock of Love trainwrecks and played taps. Taps.

Do you have any idea how bad a show has to be for me to say it sucks? Seriously...

The hate comes from him randomly deciding to mock other reality shows that I watch that he thinks are ridiculous. He's really stupid like that...you can't enjoy some reality shows and then label others as ridiculous....they're all ridiculous. You don't get to pick and choose what's "quality" reality t.v ~ there's no such thing. It's all crap and you're either all the way down here in the gutter with me and reality t.v. or you're up there on the sidewalk with your clean shoes. You don't get to have one foot in, one foot out. ( I really feel like the end of that rant deserved a "soldier!" at the end...it felt kind of drill sargent-boot campish, but in a "I'm schooling you while sitting on my butt watching t.v. and also bring me some ice cream" kind of way.)

Also, sometimes people never ask me how James and I manage to maintain such a strong and healthy relationship. I always never tell them it's due to our great communication skills and the respect that we have for each other:

James: Ooh! We should do that!
Me: Do what?
James: Start extorting money from celebrities!
Me: You're an idiot.
James: What are you doing?
Me: Staring at my nipples.
James: What?
Me: I think they look cross-eyed.
James: What's wrong with you?
Me: What's wrong with me? You just said we should extort money from celebrities!
James: Nipples can't be cross-eyed!
Me: Yes they can. They look all cross-eyed like pug eyeballs. We should both be concerned.
James: You're an idiot.


*Sometimes people mangle the english language and it's like fingernails down a chalkboard. Sometimes people mangle the english language and you think it's funny and you want to include it in your blog but there really isn't a whole lot to say about it because the sentence speaks volumes all by itself so you just take an excerpt and use it as the title for your blog post because you needed a title anyway.

Found on the internet: "After all it is money and popularity that determines what many 'stars' say, not their believes and convictions. How sad!!!!!"

Also, I like run-on sentences as much as I like ellipses. I like to think of it as creative sentence structure...thinking outside the box...or something.

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